Seducing Our Hearts....

She wakes up one day
Wondering how she managed to obtain every desire she so desperately longed for
Yet somehow, she still feels so empty inside.
Her unsettled heart now seems to possess an indescribable brokenness.
She was special when you wanted something special; she was kind, she always cared.
She was everything you always wanted….for the moment.
Living in that moment, she thought she had it all.
But her conflicted heart always wondered if she was being true to herself.
She constantly questioned herself and wondered if YOU ever truly knew her, did she ever let you know her....
Maybe a fragment, maybe a portion of her was visible and true.
But she continued to deny that she wanted something more or at least she thought she wanted more, but maybe she never really knew what she wanted.
And maybe you simply refused to see more.
You made up your mind, you drew your own portrait of what she was.
Maybe to protect yourself, maybe it was all you could see, but there was so much more, so very much more….to ME.
Inevitably, too much pleasure ironically leads to pain.
I sometimes wonder if we're all just frightened by the feelings we possess or should I say the power these feelings possess.
We should be frightened; we open doors to vulnerability, to fear, to the unknown, and even more terrifying…to who WE really are.
We're forced to find out what we're really made of which sometimes turns out to be the complete opposite of what we thought we were.
What is it that we want out of this life…
For some, the thrill, the unexpected encounters of living for the moment offer a form of fulfillment, a temporary satisfaction to pass the time.
I've lived it, and at times I still do, scared to wake up and realize that it's living for me.
At times I still want it, I expect it, and somehow think I deserve it…to find out later that I simply despise it.
Not for what it was, not for what it still is, but for the denial it's allowed me to live in for so long.
There's no easy way out, even though the choice lies solely within me.
I can only hope that one day she will wake up and see that there's a balance, a joy, a beauty in this acceptance of the good and the bad, the living and the learning.
Her heart will heal, old habits will cease, life will simply go on...
And she will be ME.