As I Awake I'm Reminded That I'm.......

Tired of overcoming one addiction to find that I simply replaced it with another.
Wondering if I'm more misunderstood than understood.
Realizing that nothing is black and white.
Amazed as to how I wake up each day with a smile on my face despite my pain, my confusion, my sadness because I know my troubles are so small in comparison, and I long to reach that one child that so desperately needs someone to talk to.
Tired of searching for this thing called "balance," to only find it, and remain unsatisfied.
Wondering if my actions are truly self-destructive.
Hoping someday I'll find peace with Religion-Myself-God-and what it all truly means.
Trusting someone will see past this exterior.
Tired of holding anger towards past relationships to only find that I'm setting myself up for yet another that will leave me nothing but empty inside.
Wondering if I'm supposed to stop living for the moment because then what on earth am I living for.
Holding on to the promise that there is more to this thing called life and my "optimistic" attitude won't die in vain.
Scared I'm allowing so many of my dreams to die in the shadows.
Hoping that I'll find my way, learn to forgive, and truly move on.
Wondering how I can HATE and LOVE the same actions at the same time.
Disgusted that I give unworthy people multiple chances.
Confused as to why people think they can help me when they don't know me at all.
Angry that I allow myself to be sucked back in because so much of me craves what I hope it will be.
Hoping I haven't started playing the games I so very much despise.
Wondering if I'll ever get past this Instant Gratification I so very much long for and need.
And after all this contemplation and reflection, realizing these thoughts are so very beautiful to me.